Husband is embarrassed after accident?

Jerry and I have been married for 22 years and have two teen daughters.Last year (Feb 07) Jerry was going to work at 4 am and was hit head on by a drunk driver that jumped the median. The impact knocked him out,so he couldn't get out when his car blazed up.Long story short he broke both his legs and was burned over most of his body (chest,back,legs,arms),luckily help came before the fire made it to his face.He was in the the burn unit and rehab until October,and had to 9 different surgeries for skin grafts.Since then he's basically been a hermit.He can't work anymore,he was a diesal mechanic,but now he can't grip anything because of the burns.He got a substantial settlement from the insurance company of the drunk who hit him,so he was able to pay our house and cars off,so it isn't imperative that he get back to work anytime soon.But I am afraid that he is spending to much time alone,withdrawing from my girls and me.He won't even undress in front of me.What can i do to help him out?

Public Comments

1. You need to confront him about this situation. Sit him down, hold his hand, and say; "Jerry, I love you, the girls love you, and we're worried about you." Explain to him how you feel he's been withdrawing from the family ever since the accident and how you miss his presence. Tell him how loved he is and how much you wish for him to become a part of the family again. Invite some friends over, and have a little party after he begins recovering to regain his spirits. Good Luck
2. I am sorry to hear about his accident. Let him know how much you love him and remind him that you married him for him and not his body and that you don't care what he looks like because you love him for him.
3. He is just hurt to his heart. He thinks that he is ugly and he is very ashamed. you just need to support him and give little comments now and then like "baby you are so sexy". Let him know how much you love him and remind him that you married him for him .He just need a confidence booster. You may need to get him counseling
4. I think it would benefit him very much to meet with other burn victims...perhaps visits to the hospitals...so he can share his story with others. I do think counseling would help him a great deal. Be loving and supportive to him always...
5. wow that almost brought me to tears im so sorry that happened to him. i would tell him that you love him very much and what happened to him has not changed how you feel about him. get your daughters involved also make sure they tell him they miss him being around. some counseling will probably help also, i was in a bad wreck and i had to go through counseling to help me cope. good luck im praying for you and your family.
6. i think that you should take him somewhere nice and let him feel and know that the way he looks now is acceptable to you and that you love him the same. he may feel a discomfort about himself, but you have to treat him the same as before the accident so it can be a comfort zone for him to feel him self infront of you and your daughters. as far as his job he should get a little job that he can handle that won't stress him out. or you can give him things to do around the house.
7. This is something that’s going to take a hell of a lot of time and effort. First of all, I’m really hoping this guy is getting some good one-to-one counselling, and I also think that if you are being shut out at the moment, perhaps it would benefit for you to go along. It’s not good your husband shutting himself away, but at the same time, he will need some time to be alone and come to terms with what has just happened. All he is seeing right now is his burns. All he probably wishes for is to be “normal” again. However, there will come a time when he needs to accept that he has these burns, and that he needs to try and move on with his life, and the best way to do this is by having counselling, you two spending a lot of soul-searching and openness, and all of your family and friends rallying him round. Men are just as insecure as women, sometimes even more so I think, and right now he is probably convincing himself that you are repulsed by his skin and want out. I know you are not at all thinking like this, but right now he probably feels like everything has gone completely wrong, and that it is hopeless. There will be a period where he will be hard to live with as he battles with his own emotions as he comes to terms with what has happened to him. Support groups from other people who have suffered serious burns is a great idea. Once your husband sees other people have gone through the same thing, he may begin to come around. It’s going to be tough, and it could take years for your husband to get over this ordeal. Just be as patient as you can, and remind him that you love him just as much as the day you met him, if not even more. Get your daughters round. Give him as much encouragement. Give him reminders of just what it is that he has to live for. Remind him of all the happiness that he has brought you, and generally just give him as much love and support as you can. Counselling and support groups are very very important though, and I really advise him seeking something like these. Good luck, though, I really hope he gets over this, and my heart goes out to you both and your family Susannah x
8. There is a lady that posted nearly the same message as yours, except her man came back from Iraq with no legs. All you can do is love and support him and let him know it's ok. He probably feels inadequate for his family, because now, he cant do it for himself anymore. I work mechanically as well, and I can already understand your husbands personality so I wish you all the very best and will put you in my prayers. If your love can't heal it, prayers become everything we have left. Good luck.
9. Time will heal. Just keep on loving him.
10. My heart goes out to you and your husband. Especially your husband. I bet he feels unattractive and useless. Men get a lot of their satisfaction being the bread winner, making things happen for their family and now he is unable and not at his own hand. Life has dealt him a hard blow and he may be afraid you might not be able to deal with the new man you have. I it sounds like depression. Is he in counseling? I saw someone else suggest a support group for burn victims. He not only lost his body, but his livelihood, his way to make a living and that's a hard blow on a man.
11. I agree with the other answers, he needs support, time, and counseling when he is open to it. I also think you need some extra help, counseling, talk to a pastor, something, because you are going thtough something difficult and its hard to be there for someone who has been so hurt. It's very draining, and you will need support, too.
12. I would say communication is the most important thing. It will probably take him a while to recovery from this emotionally. What he knew of himself before is no longer. He's probably going inward to resolve some of this, possibly questioning God, and life in general. Any traumatic event can cause this to happen. My fiance and I recently witnessed his Mother's death and neither of us has been right since. We're both much more fearful now & think about dying a lot. Your husband may be scared, actually. Many people become sort of hermit like from fear. I would just continue to talk to him about it. Turn off the TV, express your concerns, tell him endlessly that you love him & nothing can change that, especially not some scars. I wish I could think of some type of hobby to get his interest but I don't know anything about him. Not being able to work can really mess with a person's head. I've always been sort of "defined" by my career and I've been feeling really useless since getting laid off. Maybe you could think of something he can participate in.
13. He needs counselling.. I don't mean to suggest he's gone off his rocker - he needs ongoing, long-term psychological support to help deal with the physical/mental and emotional changes that this unfortunate accident has force him into. Not only is he dealing with the changes to himself, but he's probably carrying a lot of guilt over what it's doing to your family, even when it was totally out of his control. Men take on a psychological burden of needing to provide for their families, be strong and virile for thier wives, etc. Encourage him to see someone.
14. counceling counceling i say it all the time.. what a difference it can make.. he needs it more than you..